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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between men and women? Women play hard to get. Men get hard to play."

"What did the suspenders say to the trousers? What's up, britches?!"

"I hope farmers are as disappointed as I am by the kinds of people at the farmer's market."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? 1:""Why was 6 afraid of 7?"" 2:""Because 7 ate 9"" 1:""Ah very good, but why doesn't it matter?"" 2:...I don't know 1:""because 6, 7 ate. 6 was already a goner"""

"What do you get when you cross an agnostic, insomniac and a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake at night if there really is a dog."

"Why don't you want to eat pussy in the morning? Have you ever tried to spread a grilled cheese?"

"Women who bleach their mustaches, clearly don't understand the problem with mustaches."

"It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband"

"[Leaving ballgame] Officer: have you been drinking? Me: Yes, but I assure you officer I can't afford to get drunk there."

"Roe v Wade is my favorite bitter controversy about the best way to cross a small river."