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Joke of the Day

"Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning"

"I once lost my thesaurus... and I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was."

"Why are pirates so fat? They eat too many cAAARRRRRbs."

"Why wouldn't you ever see a pachyderm on a civil warship? Because an elephant never frigates. aaahhhthankyou"

"So, why were they called the dark ages? There were too many knights."

"My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf."

"Lady next to me in 50 Shades pulled out her glasses & asked if she missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren't rolling yet."

"I bought a book on eBay called ""How to Scam on eBay"". It still hasn't arrived."

"How many Coldplay members does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first."

"1. Tattoo ""I'M WATCHING YOU"" on your shaved head. 2. Grow hair and wait for daughter's boyfriend to come over. 3. Shave head in front of him"