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Joke of the Day

"dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says ""Craftsman"" dad: me: Are you crying?"

"Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon... ...Because Marathons are the master race."

"Non-tweeting friend: ""So it's like FB?"" Me: ""Except everyone's mean & sarcastic & brutally honest."" ""Sounds awf..."" ""Awesome. I know."""

"Hey to all the girls with more than one person in their picture you're making this VERY DIFFICULT."

"Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink? He found a leek there."

"Not all Latvian so unfortunate Lucky man is farmed 3 potato. Soon man has hit by lightning and die. Is true some have all luck, struggle finally over."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer"" from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"One year later after Pavlov's dog death... Pavlov still brings him food."

"Was Nicky Minaj born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happend!"

"You can stop lifting weights now; it's actually your personality that nobody likes."