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Joke of the Day

"Non-tweeting friend: ""So it's like FB?"" Me: ""Except everyone's mean & sarcastic & brutally honest."" ""Sounds awf..."" ""Awesome. I know."""

"What are the two most important holes on a woman? The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job. *My 10 year old brother told me this today"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 left him a note saying ""You're next""."

"What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Phelps can finish a race"

"The noblest of dogs is the hot-dog... ...it feeds the hand that bites it."

"Before there was roofies, a caveman would just club a bitch and take her home. That's why they call the hook up spot ""The Club"""

"You can't leave the aquarium with a penguin. It's a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop. Ma'am, it's moving. I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!"

"Friday...Gods Gift to the working People"

"*Buys bat for home security *it flies away Being dumb is hard."

"Did you know Captain Kirk has three ears? Left ear, right ear... and final front ear."