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Joke of the Day

"You can stop lifting weights now; it's actually your personality that nobody likes."

"Sorry, I can't listen to your vegan nonsense right now. I have more important things at steak."

"Honey I Shrunk The Kids And Then I Shrunk The Lawnmower And They Are Riding It Around My Head And Giving Me A Haircut It Is Awesome"

"I saw the expiration date on my condoms They say it takes thousands of years for latex to degrade, but apparently it's been longer than that since I've gotten laid"

"My friends dog just died, he told me he wanted another one just like him... ...why whould you want another dead dog?"

"I think calling them maggots is insensitive... they should be referred to as larvasexuals."

"You hate it ""No I just didn't think we'd spend our anniversary here"" *pssss* ""What was that?!"" The bouncy castle is deflating"

"Hello sir, I'm from your internet provider. You recently said that ""homosexuality is wrong"", so we've blocked you from seeing lesbian porn."

"I once dated a girl that collected magazines. We had to break up because she had too many issues."

"What do you call a Tungsten Holmium compound with a Doctorate? Doctor WHo"