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Joke of the Day

"How do Sesame Street characters reproduce? Big bird's eggs and ABCmen."

"A man asks God... Man: ""Why did you make women so beautiful?"" God: ""So you would love her."" Man: ""Then why did you make her so dumb?"" God: ""So she would love you."""

"""Sorry I put my nuts on your desk."""

"Keep dimming automatically, laptop screen. We love that."

"Don't tell a lot about yourself, behind your back will tell more interestingly about you."

"What do you get if your budgie flies into the blender ? Shredded Tweet !"

"ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or"

"How do you fail a urine test with a clean sample? Poop in the specimen cup."

"Damn girl are you an alarm clock? Because no matter how many times I hit you you won't shut the fuck up"

"I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, ""I'm not sure if it's in yet."" ""Yep, that's the one"", I said."