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Joke of the Day

"Then god said, ""Let there be light,"" and there was light and he regretted making Adam in the dark because he gave him Owen Wilson's nose."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7... Because 7 is a registered sex offender."

"Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head."

"Hi electron, will you be at home tonight? Probably."

"I hope my husband never gets Alzheimer's but if he does, I imagine my favorite part will be saying ""I gave you one yesterday."""

"I found out I'm part Native American..... my beard is Apache."

"What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay."

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"How to make your God proud? By abusing his names in other languages."

"I dreamt I was being chased by a bizarre sentence with two poorly distinguished clauses. So I made a mad dash for it."