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Joke of the Day

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"*deathbed* All that time wasted. When I could have been *looks at family* getting down to this... sick... beat *dies* *widow rolls eyes*"

"I was going to get a job at a coat check.... But I couldn't get the hang of it.^ok^i'll^just^show^myself^out"

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes"

"Jared ended his career at Subway the same way he started it... (part 2) Enamored by 7 year old meat and buns."

"""What aisle has the milk?"" ""Sir, this is a library."" *whispers* ""What aisle has the milk?"""

"Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest."

"At the office, my colleague had her computer on with an unsaved document. I looked at her in the eyes and told her I'd tap that s with control."

"Mexicans are so good at basketball It's in there blood. They can Run, Jump, Shoot and steal."

"How much did the lawyer charge the prostitute to represent her in court? Nothing, he did her PRO BONER"