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Joke of the Day

"Two fish were in a tank... One says to the other: you shoot, I'll drive"

"Why aren't you doing very well in history? Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!"

"So I went to a zoo the other day.... But all they had was a dog It was a shih tzu"

"A rock flying through the hemisphere is called an Asteroid. A lump on your ass is called a Hemorrhoid...... If you think of it,Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhino? 'Elephino!"

"[David Attenborough narrating my life] Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall"

"Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It's a nice way to let them know my love and also that we're out of napkins."

"I love you A man had 'I love you' tattooed on his dick. When he came home, he proudly showed his wife, who said ""there you go again, trying to put words into my mouth"""

"Did you hear there was a sequel to The Boy in the Striped Pajamas where he visits Charlie in his chocolate factory? It's called the Gas Elevator (I know I'm going to hell for this)"

"Relationship status: outside my wife's window, holding John Cusack over my head."