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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the fear of chainsaws? Common Sense. I'll show myself out..."

"Mom: You should come camping with us! It's only $100! Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside? Mom: Yeah. Me: I'm getting a new Mom."

"This bread is my meat, this wine is my blood... ... and this beer and milk are... -Master, that's enough, I ran out of ink!"

"Lindsay Lohan was released from jail early this morning and in related news, I still don't give a shit about her."

"Girls giving blowjobs for Louboutins - Whatcha call that? Head over heels."

"What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter? A rashtag."

"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't jelly my cock up your ass"

"*daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* ""I want to color!"" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK ""But daddy-"" DON'T CALL ME THAT"

"U know ur self esteem is low when a girl rejects you and u completely agree with them and support their decision."

"How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 8 because my basement is still dark."