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Joke of the Day

"How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 8 because my basement is still dark."

"GOD: I call this Tupperware SATAN: remember when I let u crash at my place and u said u owed me one G: yes S: make the lid a little smaller"

"What's E.T short for? Because he's got small legs"

"A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh. Alas, no pun in ten did."

"While some guys go to the gym to clean & snatch... Others go to to see lean snatch. C what I did there?"

"How many egocentrics does it take to change a light-bulb? Me, and only me!"

"I like my women the way I like my fish. Battered"

"Let's turn that frown upside down! ** **does handstand** **"

"A lady was looking for a turkey... A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy ""Do these turkeys get any bigger?"" The stock boy replied ""No they're dead."""

"*opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']"