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Joke of the Day

"Mom: You should come camping with us! It's only $100! Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside? Mom: Yeah. Me: I'm getting a new Mom."

"I'll bet you, like me, average the most ""uh""s per sentence when ordering at a fast food drive thru."

"[answering machine] ""Hi Mom, leave a message"""

"What did Sting say to his proctologist? Don't stand so close to me."

"A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ""I slept with a Brazilian...."" The blonde replies, ""Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"""

"How'd you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later."

"I love oral sex... it's the phone bill I hate."

"Sandpaper I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit."

"If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?"

"A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''"