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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'll write u a haiku! Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku. Me: *deletes ""how to spell high-koo"" from browser history*"

"Just to throw my other white friends off, I'll say shit like, ""Don't be sayin' that kinda shit in front of my black ass!"""

"A terrorist walks into a Christmas party Just kidding. He drove."

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."

"Are limericks still in? There once was a genie with a 10 foot wienie so he showed it to the woman next door she thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake and now it is 5foot 4"

"When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true. Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'."

"What do you call a group of scientologist almonds? Nuts."

"A procrastinator walks into a bar I'll post the rest later.."

"What are the only english words that russian prostitutes can say? Putin"

"What type of tree doesn't remove active torrents? A *Cedar* tree."