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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'll write u a haiku! Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku. Me: *deletes ""how to spell high-koo"" from browser history*"

"Sitting here eating blueberries wondering if my brain is improving Doubt it..... took too long to spell doubt"

"My boss said, ""Have a good day""... So I went home."

"How much does it cost for a pirate to get an ear piercing? A buccaneer."

"If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming. They most likely used an ""Al-Gore-Ithm"""

"I went to confession and the priest said, ""pics or it didn't happen."""

"Beer is so smart that if you drink enough, right around your midsection, it builds a shelf for you to rest bottles on."

"[NSFW]Why the Higgs boson is so respected by other particles? He decides who gets some ass."

"Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury? A: When he's sworn in."

"""What do you tell a woman with two black eyes ? Nothing, somebody already told her twice"""