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Joke of the Day

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."

"What do you get when you cross a black and a mexican? Someone who's too lazy to steal."

"What's Bill Cosby's New Favorite Snack? Jail-O"

"What would you call the Flintstones if they were black in 2015? The Flintstones."

"Please pray for me: I recently found out that nobody's praying for me"

"how do you kill a blonde with only one arm that climbed a lamppost? You wave to her."

"My house is really small until I can't find my phone."

"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"

"[first day as a celebrity chef] *Just a heartrending 40 minute montage of me struggling to get the potato masher out of the cutlery drawer*"

"What did Santa give the blind, autistic, paraplegic kid with down syndrome for Christmas? Cancer."