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Joke of the Day

"A small part of me almost died today.. Specifically mini-me"

"What does trail mix have in common with a nursing home? They're both filled with nuts"

"Did you hear about the hispanic that's been stealing all the trains? I heard he has some loco motives. (Locomotives)"

"It's funny how trusting of bartenders we are. I wouldn't let my life-long best friend hold my credit card for four hours while I was getting bombed."

"I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus."

"Did you hear Donald Sterling is having a child? Paula Dean is the mother."

"What's better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics? Being able to walk."

"A forgetful guy walks into a bar... ..Hm?. Oh shit,I've forgotten it!."

"My wife was complaining about how the washing machine was making a lot of noise lately. I told her to put a sock in it."

"Saying ""Sloppy seconds"" instead of ""leftovers"" is really funny, until your five year old says it."