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Joke of the Day

"Stereotyping people because of their religion is not nice. Whether they be a Christian, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Hindu, an Atheist, or a terrorist."

"My wife asked me to go out and get something that makes her look pretty. So I went out and got drunk."

"What do politicians and diapers have in common? Both need to be changed for the same reason."

"The first Hobbit movie was half the book. The second, about a quarter. In the sixth instalment, the group has a 3 hour breakfast and a nap."

"When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?"

"5-year-old: Why don't we say Grace? Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry?"

"Do you know the difference between mono and herpes? You get mono from snatching a kiss, but you get herpes from kissing a snatch."

"What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forrest1"

"HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON THE BUS: Look longingly out the window and remark, ""Such a shame this is all just gonna burn."""

"I wanted to get a brain transplant... But I changed my mind."