90158

Joke of the Day

"How can a redneck tell his twin sisters apart? By taste."

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"You don't have to study for a pregnancy test... but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam."

"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth Then it just becomes a soap opera."

"I must have an amazing butt because every time I finish talking to someone & turn around to walk away, I hear them whisper, ""What an Ass!"""

"More than eighty percent of the world records I hold are for making shit up."

"No wonder 1% is so bad I got my raise, not even 1%, my bank don't even give close to 1%. But my taxes ---- **30%**."

"WIFE: You said you were going to put the dog down ME: *in tears* I TRIED BUT HE HAD SOME REALLY DEVASTATING COMEBACKS"

"Knock-knock. (""Who's there?"") Control freak. Now say ""Control freak who?"""