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Joke of the Day

"There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter"

"How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change? Nyet long. He's always Russian."

"Three New Yorkers are sitting at a bar... I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about being from New York."

"What's on the inside of a clean nose? Fingerprints."

"I spent the entire day hanging out at the swimming pool Until someone told me and I eventually tucked it back in."

"Had to replace the condom I carry around in my wallet yesterday Just heard they have a 5 year expiry date."

"Reality! 11:30- I will go to bed soon. 03:30- Why am i on wikipedia reading about advanced nuclear theory."

"By the end of their life, everyone will have appeared in at least two Fast & Furious movies"

"Is there a class for just the karate noises?"

"Food preferences area curious thing, I realized that I don't like chocolate anymore ... on the day when I noticed that I don't fit anymore into my old apartment."