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Joke of the Day

"Stickiest things in the world: 3) Lollipops 2) Glue 1) Children's library books"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, ""That's a big word for a seven-year-old"""

"A cannibal and her daughter are eating dinner... ""Mommy! Mommy! I don't like daddy!"" ""Just eat your salad dear."""

"I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it's the ones we love that hurt us the most."

"Nearly Christmas... PEOPLE say that every dog has its day. How right they are. We got a dog for Christmas, got bored with it and had it put down on Boxing Day."

"You can tell all you need to know about a person by whether they bring the banana to their mouth or mouth to the banana."

"For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern. She's our little pun-kin."

"America's oldest lady was 115 years old today and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head. How come? She's completely bald."

"*Filling out application* Sex: ""no thanks"" Well maybe I should write yes... I really need this job. You know what? Yeah sure I'll take sex."

"When used as directed, Axe Body Spray makes a good substitute for tear gas."