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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... It don't last too long for fat people."

"Emperor Sleepoleon, we urge you to change your name to appear less lazy to your people. Oui, I shall dial it back, BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY"

"If i could have any super power, i'd pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on."

"The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself ""do I want to see it?"" If you do, it's not on Netflix."

"Math problem: Q: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? A: Diabetes. John has diabetes."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Chicken ! Chicken who ? Chicken your pockets - I think your keys are there !s"

"I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say ""Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?"""

"Raging Gamers A recent survey conducted asked about a thousand 13-year old gamers what they had done last week. 92% said ""your mum"""

"'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support."

"What do you call a Hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone? A Buddha-pest."