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Joke of the Day

"What's an asian's favorite drug? HERROine ^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry, ^^^^^^that ^^^^^^was ^^^^^^aweful."

"[at funeral] ""my phone is vibrating"" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? ""no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED"

"Every time I get an AIDS test, I'm convinced it's going to come back positive And every time I'm right."

"An average person has sex 300 times a year. The next 10 days are gonna be sick."

"I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes ""Man, you're such a Cheetah!"" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever."

"How does Michael Jackson Beat It? With the Jackson Five"

"Why did Moses see a burning bush as God? Because God planned on giving him his first tablets then. The mistake? They were Samsung Galaxy Note tablets."

"2 fish in a tank, one fish looks at the other and say's ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"[Forest] GF: Oh god it's a bear! Me: *Stuffs socks down front of pants* GF: What are you doing? Me: Making myself look big Bear: Well hi"