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Joke of the Day

"[at funeral] ""my phone is vibrating"" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? ""no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED"

"What do women and penny stocks have in common? If you hold on to them too long instead of pumping and dumping them, you'll lose all your shit."

"Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it's referring to Noah's evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life."

"What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny"

"The Washington Redskins are very sensitive to concerns and have decided to change their name... ...to the DC Darkies."

"Hey! There's no need for name calling... ... You cunt."

"-I love you! -Me too! -You too what? -What you said -What did I say? -That -Say it -What? -I want u to say it -Well -and? -what? -Say it -it"

"Why are Iranian women always eating? They can't stop getting stoned"

"Why were the elephants kicked out of the pool? Because they kept dropping their trunks...."

"Do you smoke? Smokers: ""Yes."" Non-Smokers: ""Never have, never will."" Stoners: ""Smoke what?"""