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Joke of the Day

"My son just walked in crying, saying he was scared as Trump won. I said, fuck off, you're 22 & British. Oh yes he replied & went to work."

"As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street... Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes"

"Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product"

"Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands."

"I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team."

"Pizza burnt the inside of my mouth and I don't understand why the things I love most keep hurting me"

"Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away."

"Going to open a Vietnamese restaurant and name it Viet Nom Nom Nom."

"Hilary clinton joke Friend:What are you going to the party as Me:Hilary Friend:why Me:Aren't you supposed to be something scary Friend: ;-;"

"A man was arrested for having sex inside a West Virginian Olive Garden with an employee. Apparently he took ""When you're here, you're family"" too literally."