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Joke of the Day

"As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street... Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes"

Next Joke
 
"For lunch today, I think I will have a blistering hot bowl of ice cold soup. Thanks microwave."
"I'm a perfectionist when it comes to being imperfect."
"So today's my wife's birthday... I went out and bought her some flowers and a vibrator. That's so if she doesn't like the flowers she can go fuck herself."
"In a spelling bee contest, what is a Jewish candidates worst nightmare? A grammar Nazi"
"Why do drug dealers love Muslims? Because they are always stoned."
"is it me or do old people always end their texts with extra periods? ""good seeing u today. missed u....."""
"What happened when Moses went to Mount Olive? Popeye got pissed."
"Conserve energy. How would you feel if someone turned you on and left?"
"A photon walks into a bar... And he asks the barman for some peanuts. The barman says ""Sorry, we don't serve light snacks."""