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Joke of the Day

"Please listen closely... Attention: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII and Wednesday comes *after* Tuesday."

"Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day."

"Who's the worst villain in more games than any other? EA"

"The best things in life are free. My neighbor's unsecured wi-fi, for instance."

"Did you know I am part of the 1% of Rare, Beautiful, handsome and modest people!"

"How do you cut the Roman empire in half? You use a pair of Caesars"

"19 and 20 had a fight to the death. When they were done only 1 was left."

"I heard Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together. I guess she's not a one-hit wonder."

"Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes? A: Because they're simple easy and they taste good."

"Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it"