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Joke of the Day

"A Russian businessman has been ordered to pay his wife $4.5 billion in what is being called the world's most expensive divorce. Then L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling said, ""Stay tuned."""

"Did you hear about the slow chef at the speed bake off? He would have won if he had just a little more thyme."

"If I had a time machine, I would go back to the day we first let my daughter watch SpongeBob SquarePants and just destroy our TV"

"kids can't play outside b/c of the miniscule chance they'll be kidnapped. at age 16 they get keys to a 2000-pound machine powered by fire"

"Why did Adelle cross the road? To say hello from the other side."

"Q: Where do books sleep? A: Under their covers."

"Why is it hard to watch two elephants boxing? Because they've got the same color trunks."

"theres a train nerd counting the number of ppl that get on and off at every stop. at first i pitied him but he seems happy so now i hate him"

"I was once told I run like a gazelle But the guy who said it was in a wheelchair, so I took it with a grain of salt."

"I farted on an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels. From /r/PeterL"