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Joke of the Day
"What's the fastest way to heaven? It depends on the flight delays."
Next Joke
"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll add to the global overdepletion of the oceans. So just give him the fish."
"A recent archeological dig was finished at historic Stratford-upon-Avon They found many typewriters and many, many, more monkey skeletons"
"What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly? His Middle Girth"
"Talking about me behind my back? Good. My ass likes attention."
"My mom keeps asking me who made a mess at the dinner table I spilled the beans"
"[at restaurant on 1st date pretending not to be an eel] Date: The wine is lovely great choice Me: *helplessly slips off chair*"
"What do you call a fake Chinese iPhone? A slanted-iPhone"
"[hospital] ""I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again"" ""Oh God, he's paralysed?"" ""No, someone's bought him rollerblades"""
"If I could go back in time and talk to my ten year old self My parents probably would've put a restraining order on me."