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Joke of the Day

"The fact that the British call math ""maths"" scares me, since the only thing more frightening than math is plural math."

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"Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? A paraplegic in a house fire."
"I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad."
"Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer. Keep your frenemies in a dark basement filled with bees."
"The pleasure is all mine... The greeting of a greedy hedonist."
"My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper. What a dip shit."
"""And the Oscar for Best Actress goes to.....Beyonce?"" *Kanye slowly sits down*"
"Chinese officials are trying to decide whether to spend money on a school or a prison. Finally one of them says: - What are the odds that some of us will go back to high school?"
"What oil does Trump use in his cooking? Rapeseed oil"
"On a long road trip.. When deciding whether to stop at a rest area, I always say, ""Speak now or forever hold your pee""."