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Joke of the Day

"My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper. What a dip shit."

"Strap-on If you're thinking of purchasing a strap-on, you don't want to rush into the decision...you're going to be stuck with it for life."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!"

"When one squirrel says ""I like to eat nuts"", there is probably always another squirrel who says ""that's what she said."""

"I lost all my drafts in the last update. Twitter did you all a favor."

"I learnt that Mel Gibson was born in Australia Well I guess you could say he was from... -puts on glasses- MELBOURNE"

"Why do so many people swallow everything Trump says? Cause they don't have enough teeth to chew it."

"Why do computer scientists get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25"

"How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it's from."

"Whenever you're feeling inadequate, remember: You know more about medicine than legitimate doctors during the civil war did."