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Joke of the Day

"My dad asks my little brother, ""Hey son do you know what sea monster's favorite snack is?"" ""Ships and dip!"" *dips chip in dip*"

"I have a nice body. It's in my trunk."

"Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door... ...but his girlfriend was against it."

"Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter."

"How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? Call her and tell her about it"

"What's the going rate to find out a girl isn't into you? My recent observation concludes ~$140. Great weekend."

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"Yo momma is so fat and old... When she farted it created the universe"

"I just think of unfollowers as me paying my Follower Tax."

"If chick-fil-a ever merged with five guys, what would they could call themselves? five-guys-fil-a-chick"