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Joke of the Day
"It's colder than..."
Next Joke
"Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered."
"Why don't bats sleep outside? You ever deal with a sunburned asshole?"
"Me: it's robocop Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*"
"I cant comprehend constipation That shit is too deep"
"My stove is the most expensive cigarette lighter I've ever purchased."
"all I wanna do is [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] [gunshot noise] move to a safer neighborhood"
"When your boss asks you ""do I look stupid to you?"" it's a rhetorical question I know this now"
"Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid"
"What happens to criminal photons? They get put in prism!"