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Joke of the Day

"Text to wife: ""Would you bring me my "" and my phone suggests ""girlfriend."" My phone is trying to kill me."

"My future is so bright I need to stay in my room browsing reddit until nightfall."

"Why was the guitarist arrested? Because he was fingering A minor..."

"What do you call a boy raised by a feminist? Serial killer"

"My boss asked me to send him the funniest joke i've got.... ...I sent him a picture of my paycheck"

"A woman was arrested when her boyfriend's body was found in a freezer in their living room. Who the hell puts a freezer in the living room?"

"Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle? When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection."

"What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint? I'm always taken for granite!"

"Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes."

"The owner of hostess just brought the playboy mansion Guess he really liked ho-hos and ding dongs"