143887

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the amazing new prosthetic device for paraplegics? It's called a Vegetable Stand."

"Don't be sad, laundry. nobody's doing me either"

"What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet? Remains to be seen."

"Did you hear about the most recent FIFA scandal? Turns out Lionel was a little Messi in his financial records."

"Who's the world's greatest underwater spy? Pond. James Pond."

"Soon every possible joke will be written on twitter and we will be forced to face our feelings."

"I see ur bio says 'Medical Intern'. Can you take a look at this *sends DM of mother-in-laws face* n tell me if it's infected. It is right?"

"The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins."

"Convince neighbours you're shrinking by walking past their window with progressively larger jars of hellmann's mayonnaise."

"What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships."