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Joke of the Day

"""Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana"" - Plastic Surgery"

"Dad said I need to be the rock for a friend who is having a tough time. Currently practicing that eyebrow thing & wrestling moves."

"The Biggest Joke Ever Team Fortress 2 competitive matchmaking."

"Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:"

"Mark Ruffalo Went into a Job Interview The interviewer asked ""What's your strong suit?"" ""Oh, you know, the Hulk costume."""

"""I hope this makes them name a radioactive turtle after me"" Michelangelo thought as he painted the Sistine Chapel ""that would be hella rad"""

"Why couldn't the Tuba player get a date? He was too low key."

"High school girls are a lot like heaven... ...hard to get in to. -[Dylan Mandlsohn](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XwGpz91IDo)"

"ABC NEWS: Bees fly and make honey FOX: Islamic insects attacking Texas CNN: flying warbirds create liquid yellow weapons of mass destruction"

"What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?"