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Joke of the Day

"Me: Dark Lord, I am your devoted servant. Please accept this sacrifice as proof of my -- Satan: I have a girlfriend."

"Out of all the children's stories, Goldilocks is the most ridiculous. How's someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony? smh"

"I want to open a pizza shop called ""Cheesus Crust!"" Our slogan will be: ""Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell."" -or- ""Crust has risen."""

"I kept reading a book about Gawker... But every page kept going back to Chapter 11"

"Did you hear about the two deaf men who walked into a bar? Neither did they."

"A cow confronted Donald Trump after a rally It said ""what's your problem with moo-slims?"""

"If you jump through the hole in a hipster's earlobe you get transported to a SIMS game where the only people are Harry Potter characters"

"A genie grant a man two wishes Genie: What is your first wish? Jeff: I want to be Rich Genie: Okey, what is your second wish? Rich: I want lots of money"

"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the undies"

"Scary shit happens in horror movies at 3am. So when hubby woke up screaming with a leg cramp at 3am, I threw the bible at him."