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Joke of the Day

"I AM NOT REALLY YELLING AT YOU I JUST GOT USED TO TALKING TO MY TEENAGER WHO ALWAYS HAS HEADPHONES IN"

"My girlfriend has this really weird fetish She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have sex. I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway."

"My friend Diego lost is id. He still has his ego and superego, the bastard!"

"I don't know why everyone is hating on this mayweather it's beautiful out."

"It was so quiet in Chicago during the last inning. You could hear the gunshots."

"Are those against upgrading to OSX Yosemite... Anti-Yosemites?"

"I went to get lyposuction the other day. It really takes a lot out of you. (Thought of this one in the shower :D)"

"What instrument do piggys play in a band? Pigcussion!"

"Wanna hear a joke? Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay's man house knock knock you: who's there? the chicken."

"It's my birthday, so here's a related joke. Why are birthdays good for you? - - - - - Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest."