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Joke of the Day

"My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull."

"Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder."

"Childish immature jokes are the best * Step 1: say ""eye"" * Step 2: spell the word ""map"" * Step 3: say ""nus"" * Now say that all together..."

"How can you tell there are two elephants in your fridge? You have to put the partly-eaten dismembered body of your infant daughter in the freezer instead."

"If there'd been a mix up my uncle could have been President of the United States He was an army undertaker, also known as a 'barrack embalmer' \- Milton Jones"

"The time between the nurse leaving the room and the doctor entering is for exploring and trying out as many tools as possible"

"What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night? Nocturtle"

"*Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal* ""ALFRED WE'RE GETTING IPHONES."""

"A creepy man is dragging a little girl into the woods. \- ""I'm scared, I'm scared!!"" she's crying. \- ""Stop crying. You think it's easy for me, ha?! The way back I'll have to do by myself."""

"If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you'll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange. *only works at Home Depot"