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Joke of the Day

"Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse? Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back."

"Eng: you should wear the leather's jacket... Espan: ponte la chamarra de cuerro... Eng: so Leather died of the cold... Espan: y Cuerro murio de frio."

"How do you circumcise a red-neck? Kick his sister in the jaw."

"if it's called morning wood for men then what is it for women.. Morning dew."

"The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It's like he doesn't realize I'm married."

"Alabama has changed its drinking age to 28 Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school"

"My stepladder is so great, I'm almost glad my ladders got divorced."

"*walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*"

"I remember as a child lying in bed and waiting for Santa Claus to come. And how afterwards it would be so silent and awkward as he got dressed to leave."

"""slippery when wet"" signs should be on everything."