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Joke of the Day

"ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I put the wrong socks on this morning."

"What's worse than waking up with a boner? Realizing it's not yours."

"Rosie O'Donnell is such a hipster ...she hated Trump before it was cool."

"What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? Coach."

"What do you say to a guy with kidney stones? Urine trouble."

"At first I was angry... ...when all my friends began collecting stamps after I started. But then I remembered: imitation is the sincerest form of philately."

"My mind is always on fast forward while my body's in slow motion. I'm just like that channel where the sound is out-of-sync w/ the picture."

"A newly wedded desperate soldier .. A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom, If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave. :P"

"You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps? Hah, gulag with that."