143430

Joke of the Day

"who said i can't tell the difference between humans and fruit? are you bananas"

"I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out."

"My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter... ""You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."""

"Policeman: Didn't you hear me whistle at you? Woman Driver: Sure but I don't flirt when I drive."

"I can swallow a rope and poop out a lasso I shit you knot."

"What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation? A Chernobel Prize."

"[kids party] ""This bouncy castle is twice the price of last year"" Dad no ""That's.."" Please no dad ""..Inflation for you"" *kids start crying*"

"I was born a Catholic Which came as a big surprise to my parents who were both protestants. Source: Irish actor Michael Redmond (Fr. Stone in Fr. Ted) on 'An Irishman Abroad' podcast."

"A week before Abraham Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland... A week before Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe."

"Lunch. Meeting. Sure, let's ruin both at once."