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Joke of the Day

"The lazy river is my favorite ride at this amusement park. ""Ahhhhh!"" I scream as I float in a giant circle, not spilling my drink at all"

"When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's ""art"" and ""music"" , but when I do it I'm ""wasted"" and ""have to leave the Hardware Store"""

"Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!"

"Who decided to call them ""children"", and not 'snot machines'."

"[emergency room] ""We need to put pressure on the wound!"" [to wound] We've been together 6 months now, I think we should move in together"""

"When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include ""being fucking awesome at everything."""

"My wife was proud that I admitted to also being married to someone else ...she said it was big of me"

"What idiot called them ""Female condoms"" and not Estrojans?"

"The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open."

"Oregon's defense."