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Joke of the Day

"[emergency room] ""We need to put pressure on the wound!"" [to wound] We've been together 6 months now, I think we should move in together"""

"Why do people never eat clocks?.... Why do people never eat clocks? Because it's really time consuming."

"What should you do when your epileptic child starts seizing in the bathtub? Throw in your laundry!"

"Did you hear about the short psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large"

"How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii? Aloha Akbar."

"What do Mexicans write in school? Essays."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Gangsta Barbie ...complete set of Raiders apparel; rap cassette included"

"I read my kids a few select Facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, ""This is why we have to stay in school"""

"I was sexually assaulted by a ghost. Didn't see it cuming."

"Just so we're all clear: NASA is getting a direct feed from a robot on Mars, but I still can't make a cell phone call from my basement."