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Joke of the Day

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number.. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"I want my children to be independent headstrong people. Just not while I'm raising them."

"How come Noah didn't just slap those two mosquitoes?"

"Shriek your Twitter name between songs at concerts and hope that it makes the live album."

"[ER] HIPSTER: I fell off my acoustic motorcycle & broke my mustache twirler. DOC:... H: I fell off my bike & broke my hand. D: Rub kale on it."

"I started teaching rednecks Spanish Se habla espan ya'll"

"Society: Be yourself ........ Society: No not like that"

"What if you woke up with amnesia and all you could remember was your Facebook password and you had to discover who you were based on your statuses?"

"I like my beer like i like my violence.. Domestic."

"All of Ariel's mer-sisters' names started with A too. More like keeping up with the Karsplashians."