142965

Joke of the Day

"Dad said I wasn't allowed to go out wearing this skirt because it's ""too revealing""... Fuck you, dad, I'm a grown man and I'll do what I want!"

"19: Help me think of a tweet. Me: I'm sorry for the never-ending selfies, duck lip poses, & whining about how hard my life is. 19: Maaaaa!"

"Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells? She grew out of her B-shells."

"A man goes to his doctor and says; Doc I think I'm addicted to twitter. Doc: Sorry, I don't follow you"

"What do you call a black cop? Suicidal."

"Early this morning I was sitting on the beach wondering where the sun was... then it dawned on me"

"""How much would you say you read the Bible?"" ""Well, I don't read it religiously."" Bud-dum tss, I hate myself."

"Met a woman with 12 boobs the other day Sounds weird dozen tit?"

"Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, ""Use the forks, Luke."""

"Last night I dreamt I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted"