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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to his doctor and says; Doc I think I'm addicted to twitter. Doc: Sorry, I don't follow you"

"What do you say to a kid if they give you a picture? That's pretty shit mate. My 20 year old cousin who has no arms can draw better than you. You have no talent, deal with it."

"Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead"

"What did the police officer say to the man who was urinating publicly? ""Urine trouble, mate!"""

"What do you say to give an electrician encouragement? ""You conduit!"""

"Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that."

"Everyone is entitled to my opinion."

"My girlfriend said I was a pedophile.... I told her ""that's an awful big word for a 9 year old""."

"What is the first rule of eating a banana? One. Never look someone in the eyes. What is the second rule? Two. Never look up."

"If your cup is half full... You probably need a different bra. P.S. I don't know if this counts as a joke, so sorry in advance. Edit: layout"