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Joke of the Day

"""So all you have to do is scroll down the screen to reverse her progression from sexy prom queen to fat soccer mom."" - Facebook's Timeline"

"When is a Mexican not a Mexican? When he's an alien! I'll see myself out now"

"*spin kicks cigarette out of your mouth* Nothing is cooler than health"

"Did you hear about the Emu that was so big it was kicked out of the flock? Yeah, I heard it was ostrich-sized. (Credit to my Veterinary Student girlfriend)"

"Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it."

"Why doesn't Skrillex like to go fishing? Because he always drops the bass."

"What do you call a disaster that only affected shopping malls? A catashopic."

"Friend: I love FB but it's gettin a lil boring. Me: Well that's cause all the cool peeps are on Twi- ..uh are all dead. Yeah they all died."

"My brother told me I have the body of a god. Buddha!"

"What's Gordon Ramsey's second favorite movie? FROZE-- oh, nevermind."