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Joke of the Day

"At school, I saw my principal walking around in a daze. I asked him what happened, and he just looked at me and said, ""I've lost my faculties!"""

"Why did Hitler like blind people? Because they can not see."

"I have a Victoria's Secret model's body!! (in my basement)"

"[first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?"

"How to catch a polar bear Cut a hole in the ice. Surround the hole with frozen peas. When the bear walks up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!"

"Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman."

"My girlfriend and I were talking about pets, she said she'd like to get a manatee. I just laughed and said, ""Two sugars, please."""

"Told my mom ""The D"" stood for donuts, and now she won't stop telling people she wants the chocolate D."

"Women never listen properly Wife: I lost my keys Man: Its in your jeans Wife: Dont drag my family into this."

"I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music."