198032

Joke of the Day

"*pulls up pants* Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie! Proctologist: That's normal. M: ... P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?"

"A Roman Emperor orders his guards to arrest his wife. He orders them to Ceas'er."

"How do you know when it's raining cats and dogs... you step in a poodle"

"Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday Those were the days..."

"You would think that you would be a better pastry chef With all the creampie videos I watch..."

"Friends are like snowflakes. If you pee on them they disappear."

"I used to Remember Leonardo DiCaprio When I was feeling down. Unfortunately I still remember him."

"A man asked Robin Hood, ""would you rob from the rich to give to the poor?"" To which he replied, ""I Sher-would."""

"Boss: ""You're not suppose to be drinking on the job!"" Me: ""You're not suppose to cheat on your wife."" Boss: ""Keep up the good work sir."""

"A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop."