20907
Joke of the Day
"When I'm dead, these tweets will be worth twice as much."
Next Joke
"I had a friend from Ukraine. Now he's from Russia."
"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""
"A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, upset, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and says, ""I guess we answered that question!"""
"Q: How many racists does it take to change a white bulb oops sorry can I start over"
"Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark? Black people can't swim. -.-"
"The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill"
"I hate toilets... They're so shitty."
"ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY ""BEE URSELF"" OR ""BE"
"Hey!! pssst! Guys who wear camo to bars: There is a reason you're not getting laid...it's because the women can't see you.."