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Joke of the Day

"Commonwealth Games: Building unrealistic goals and dreams for British athletes going to the olympics since 1930."

"Did you know Canada was initially spelled Cnd? But when they pronounced it, the word came out ""C-eh"" ""N-eh"" ""D-eh"""

"I would rather crush the shit out of the back of my shoes than bend over and put them on properly."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Abba ! Abba who ? Abba'out turn ! Quick march!"

"A termite walks into a bar... And he says, ""where is the bartender?"""

"I think it's weird that characters in comic strips always recite the alphabet to fall asleep... ...But it's even weirder that they always time it exactly fucking perfect."

"Your mom farted... And the Universe came into being."

"The last girl I dated reminded me a lot of a cat, she would annoy me for attention, but ignore me once I gave it to her... ...the difference is that I never woke up with her asshole in my face."

"My girlfriend just introduced me to the parents. As if I've never met my own mum and dad before."

"The ugly tree Geeze, that's an ugly christmas tree but why do you keep it in the bathroom? That's where I store my toiletries."